I am a self-contradict person, and I live in a world alone.
Seems like this almost all the time.
People are Perfunctory, all the time, even good friends can be like this too.
I get disappointments, time after time. But I couldn't speak out even if my heart wants to shout out so badly.
Terrible to keep things inside all the time. But in some way, it is the best solution to bottle negativity tight in.
I always say, if one can make me truly happy, the same person can easily hurt me with his actions, words or even a tiny expression. I care that's why I get so emotional so easily.
People think I am a weirdo. Find me over-reacting at minor things.
I explain, and they don't understand, I explain again, and they listen and then forget.
Slowly, I stop explaining, I rather kept quiet. If you find me weird, okay I shall just let silence surrounds you.
If you find it better.
I hate it when people are two-sided, although everyone (in the society) are more or less, two-sided.
They wear different masks when facing different people. Okay, I can totally understand and relate to it.
I don't blame anyone.
BUT, here's the big BUT...
Good friends. Good friends can be two-sided too!!!
I didn't mean all my good friends (not pin-pointing anyone), but some, some are like this.
I am always truly myself with my good friends, people I deemed I can be completely myself when I am with.
You should be true to them, to your good friends right?
But why izzit so that this second they care about you,
and the next second,
they can simply disregard everything about you.
:(
I get hurt like this.
Silly right?
My boyfriend always scold me for this.
For being too good, too good to my friends, even to those who don't deserve it.
I am a Friendship person.
I hate it too. I blame myself for being too soft-hearted to almost everyone.
I hate it when I put all my heart into something, and get nothing in return, or get something bad.
Heart wrecking. It aches.
BLAME BLAME BLAME I OFTEN BLAME MYSELF FOR BEING SO FDUMB AND WEAK.
WHY DO I FALL INTO THINGS AND PEOPLE SO EASILY!?!?!?!
Why must I care so much? Why can't I control my emotions better? Why Why Why?
It's like there a hole in front of me, I am confident to jump over it, and I failed.
And then I get back up, saw another one in front, and still I took the risk and failed again.
Over and over I fell and got back up. I'm too stubborn to learn my lesson.
Even if I learnt, I still do it. This is complete retarded.
God.
I shall learn to, not get hurt so easily.
I am such a weakling.
I need protection, and I get none.
